Imagine being told you can only talk a few minutes each hour. You are a loud gregarious teacher who enjoys her friends and family. First you feel a bit of excitement Really? I can sit back, listen, read books, and text. Then the disbelief sets in. How are you going to raise 2 kids, teach a class, talk with your husband AND enjoy your family and friends. And so my journey begins. I have been diagnosed with a hemorrhagic polyp on my vocal cord. Probably from yelling too much at sporting events, on the playground, or just overusing my voice as a teacher and parent and not using it correctly.
Let me give you some background on me. I am a 42 year old woman who loves to talk. Yep, first problem. I enjoy my friends and my family. I come from a family of 4 kids - the youngest. We have now increased to 20 total. When we get together it is loud and boisterous. My husband's family is just as big but not as loud. Although, my family likes to say I am loud, they are loud as well. Let me clarify. My mom, sister, and I are loud. It is not a bad thing. It is what it is.
I have been teaching since 1993 off and on. I currently teach Special Education and absolutely love what I do. Is every day simple? Nope. Is everyday rewarding? Beyond measure!!!
I have 2 kids - they are loud as well. My poor husband. He is quiet but has such impact with what he says. We are opposites- well we were.
My journey began in December 2011. Teachers had told me my voice was hoarse and raspy. I decided to have it checked out over Winter Break. I found out I had a hemorrhagic polyp on my left vocal cord. I heard the diagnosis, took my forms, knew I would be hearing from the voice clinic for voice therapy and went on my way. I knew surgery was an option in May/June since I was a teacher but figured the rest of my life would continue as is.
Don't ever make plans- the big guy just laughs. Don't get me wrong, I have total faith in my God and realize there is a reason for everything. I am so very thankful it is just a polyp.
Fast forward to February 3, 2012. Today is my first visit with my voice coach. WOW! I have been living under a rock. I am suddenly so aware of what I can and can't do. Some of it is easy- jolly ranchers help keep my throat moist, mints do not. Okay, therapist orders- eat jolly ranchers Drink lots of water, get good sleep (I am good at sleeping), and don't yell. Okay, the last one is not easy but it easier than the rest. I can only speak for 30 minutes an hour- it can be broken up into a few minutes at a time but 30 minutes max. What???? I am a teacher!!! I love to talk with colleagues, friends, kids, husband and family. Luckily, at school I have a paraprofessional that can help with reading stories, giving directions, and redirecting. I have colleagues that keep me in check and are very supportive. I still have to talk a lot. The next one- Keep stress to a minimum. As I pick myself off the floor from laughing I realize the therapist is serious. This is a tough one. Not only do I stress at work but I have 2 kids and all their activities. I live with stress. It is my normal. Suddenly, I realize I need to find a new normal that will be good for my voice and my life. Suddenly, I am living a social experiment. I am my own science experiment.
Feb 4- dinner at my sisters house. I am talking quieter, not whispering. Someone asks what's wrong? I tell them what is going on. My sister, comedienne that she is, says must have cheering at your house since She can't talk. I have already heard how loud I am my whole life. Later, my niece said how weird it was that I am so much quieter. I did enjoy listening to each conversation but never felt completely comfortable. Like I was just looking in.
Feb 10- I have completed my first week. Wow- it is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I have worked very hard at keeping my voice at a conversational level. I have tried to only talk when necessary. Not so easy at school. Pretty hard at home. It is hard for all of us to realize that I need to be quiet. Just taking the dogs out is difficult. They expect me to talk to them. Poor dogs. I feel a bit like a dog who can't respond. Have you ever had a one sized conversation? That is how it feels at our house a lot. I do lots of charades, head shakes, and texting. My poor husband. I think this is the hardest part for me. I want to tell him about my day, not text it. He wants to talk on the way home from work and I am trying to wait so we can talk face to face. Then the kids screaming, he has to deal with them. They will learn. I am hoping they will learn better voice control through this process. It is so much harder than I thought it would be but it is so important. I feel pretty special being in the same category as Keith Urban and Adelle. It is hard to feel like you are looking into conversations not actively engaging. I feel very boring and out of touch. These one sided conversations don't exactly invite people to chat.
My throat hurts tonight. Is it because I had to talk so much today or a cold? These thoughts consume my mind as I sit silently writing. I figured it would be hard but never imagined how hard. Yes, it is fun to joke that She can't talk. Try it for one day. Don't talk unless absolutely necessary. We have no idea how much we use our voice. But in retrospect, it could be so much worse. I am healthy, have a wonderful family, and work environment.
I look forward to seeing how I change during this process.
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